i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
