She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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