I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dick very happy bro
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