someone threw a dead crab at me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ttyl tear gas
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
