The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize