As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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