You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
