I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
