okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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