so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize