You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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