just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
