I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
