I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
