Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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