GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
