I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
