She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
