tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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