Taylor Swift is so right about you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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