Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
