you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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