i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
