whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
