so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
