I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
