I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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