so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ttyl tear gas
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
