My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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