I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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