ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
