The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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