I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
