You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
