so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize