Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
