There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
