i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Maybe he injected his testicle?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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