you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
