Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
