When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
