Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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