Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What drink are we having for lunch?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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