I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
