I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
