I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
