Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
