thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
