$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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