She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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