Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
