I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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