I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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