Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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