apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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