Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
