You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
