He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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