Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
