I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
