Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
