You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
