i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize