Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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