Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
