Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
