Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
