we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
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