when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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