remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
