The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
